my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
