just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
They have beer where we have blood.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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