I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
