That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
