the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Redeem this text for a blowjob
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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