A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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