Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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