Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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