im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
