this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
