he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
