There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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