Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Still dying that you shit outside
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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