I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
