Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
