I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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