its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
