Will you blow on my dice?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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