Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
