this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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