According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
