my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
