he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize