nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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