he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
