I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
