so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
