I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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