Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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