My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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