yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
