my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
