how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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