She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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