Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
