Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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