Apparently you make a good broom.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
