You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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