Swine flu is the new snow day.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Please don't give away my fajitas
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