Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
