Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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