check it out our google latitudes are spooning
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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