I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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