Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize