I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
where are my eyebrows?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
