Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
