i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
