if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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