yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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