how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
