Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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