i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
