Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
