i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
