Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
