We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
