Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
