I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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