is your mom at the bar?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I wish I only lived at night.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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