I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
