32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
