once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
