I accidentally had phone sex last night
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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