During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
