Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
