2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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